Do you feel isolated, feel apart from everything and everyone else? Me too. Its a man thing.
Do we want to feel like this? God no, we want to feel everything is connected from us, but we don’t. We feel like everything is connected to us, making us the centre of everything. Good right? No. As we are the hub of the wheel, we fail, it all fails, which means the pressure is on us to continue to function, all of the time. That wheel needs to keep spinning and it is the man that enables that.
A man’s heavy burden
That asks a lot from us, an awful lot. It means we need to function perfectly every second of every minute, of every hour of every day 24/7/365 or the wheels come off. Women provide the spokes out to everything else, and a wonderful job they do of that. But they need that hub to rely on and support them. It feels kind of heavy right? That rim and all those spokes are all sitting on you, and it feels all sorts of heavy.
Now we all feel it, but like slaves, the fact that you got whipped today does not make my wounds hurt any less. I wish we could all talk more about this, but every man in every family across the world must feel the same loneliness. The feeling that we are completely alone within 50% of the population, all having the same feelings about everything bearing down on us. The feeling of family, houses, mortgages and living being down to us. That feeling that should we stop, even for a second to take a breath, things come to a halt and all eyes are looking at us as to why.
We are all men in this together
You are not alone brother. We are all in this together and I feel it like you feel it. That loneliness that although you are part of something bigger, you still own the responsibility and it weighs heavy on your shoulders every day and every night. Must do better tomorrow, must carry on, must must must.
So, I feel it. That feeling that separates you from the family, from everyone else, even your male friends as this is something we experience alone. I have never talked about it with any of my friends, even though we are clearly all feeling it. I wonder why that is? Is it just that it feels sort of natural? That we expect to feel like this? That the feeling of being alone is somehow natural and as we grow older it feels normal? Not sure, maybe it is how men are made.
The feeling is that no matter how many friends I had (even though people can only have a handful of ‘real’ friends) the loneliness would not go away. This is not about spending time with other people, or even other people telling me how much they like or love me. This is about that even though that happens, I feel alone. I have a family and feel alone. I have friends and feel alone. I have to spend all day at work talking to people and feel alone. Men are alone.
Lonely is a man’s natural state
I am not even sure that I don’t like it. I don’t know that I have ever formed any real opinion on the feeling that I have towards that inner voice that is single. Just you. It is not about ‘talking about your feelings’. Guess what? Men talk a lot, and we talk about everything under the sun including relationships and family and feelings. But the bit we have and don’t share is with us forever, that inner voice, that inner feeling that you are alone.
Its not that we don’t want to belong. To our parents, our spouses, our children, our friends. We want to be one big warm happy family and god knows we think that would make us happy. But that bit in all men says ‘you can have some of this, but not all of it’. Some of this is reserved, and you are not on the reserved list. This is the ‘men only’ bit, and not in a good way. I wonder what goes through womens minds, are they as lonely? Do they have that same thing in their brain that says if the music stops, everyone is going to be looking at you to ask ‘why did you stop playing? We were enjoying that’.
A man needs to keep the music playing
But we have been playing that instrument our whole lives and we aren’t allowed to stop. It is not a performance with breaks, but a permanent symphony that we need to keep up and god knows if this is making any sense, but I hope it does.
You have to keep it together for everyone right? You know that as long as you keep an eye on everything, and you do the worrying, then everyone else can be free and you are creating a safe, secure space for everyone else to thrive. But that only works if you have everything covered, the house, the bills, the cars, the safety, the ……. everything.