When you are in a relationship porn (or too much of it) can be a really bad thing because sex (or really good sex) is dependent on a number of things that watching porn all can destroy by way of one partner (or both) having:
Unreasonable expectations – The porn does not help better sex
The real world does not work like it does in porn. Everything you see on screen has been carefully crafted (believe it or not) to give you that instant hit. The way it plays out fulfils you and you are left satiated. But how does that affect your sex life? The instant hit you feel watching porn can happen in real life but only if you let your mind and body become ready for it. To get both in to that state you need to leave the porn alone.
Unreasonable demands – the sex in porn is not real
Porn actors get paid to do lots of things, but for the guys out there let me tell you that on the whole (pun intended) it hurts for a woman to have anal. Deep throat makes everyone sick. Not exactly sexy…. Turning off the porn will put you back in the real world where you talk to each other. You can share fantasies and spend time enjoying each others bodies. Try new things that you both want to do, not the latest porn trend.
You want much better sex? Turn the porn off
Here is a little ‘reset’ to get you back in to the groove (pun intended) after leaving the porn alone:
Anticipation now you have turned the porn off for better sex
The more you think about it, the more you want it. Anticipation leads to becoming more and more horny. You can’t wait to get each other undressed, you are ready for her. You want and desire her. She will respond as she will feel desired, wanted, sexy. You could send each other texts in the daytime like they do in films, but since no-one does that in real life, then stick to taking her to bed and being ready.
Libido when you turn the porn off
Your libido is going to be off the scale if you combine the anticipation with just having sex with each other (as opposed to having lots of ‘me’ time). Your lust will grow, the desire and want and this creates a happy catch 22 as when you have had really good sex, you will want to (pun intended) rinse and repeat. Maybe not on the same night, but you will want to return to that moment when it was so good.
Slow down there fella – building up slowly
Unlike when the pizza man turns up in porn and 30 seconds later is getting his pug washed, real life means the anticipation can be heightened and charge up your lust by going slow. Don’t charge towards the clitoris or compete in the hand olympics for blurriest hand. Kisses first, holding, then slowly move to gentle caresses around the neck, shoulder, face, ears. Then move to boobs, inner thighs, outer thighs and then very gentle strokes around the vagina.
Appreciating what you have
Acknowledging you have a partner that you both love and want to have sex with is a great thing. Great sex is a way to show her that this is not the case, and helps you think a little differently about spinning one out to a banjo flick because you half a horn on. Save it, use it, plan it, and show her that you love her, find her sexy, love her body. Then show her, and show her you appreciate her with the gift of making her feel wanted, as it will come back to you (no pun intended, I think).
Mode: Hard – exploring porn free
When it comes to exploring new things, play it safe and talk to her. A wayward willy trying to go in via the back door is as welcome as a wet fart in church. Talk and agree what you your boundaries are, do say what you want, and be honest. Do be prepared for her to say ‘no’, and do respect that. If she says who would you like me dressed up as, don’t say ‘your sister’. Ask her what she would like to do, explore your fetishes together and agree you are both comfortable.
Making it Last
How long sex should last is really where you both are on the occasion. Sometimes you really are after a quickie wham bam thank you mam, but for the most part holding up your hands and saying ‘I won’ after 45 seconds is going to leave her disappointed.
Taking the advice above about going slowly slowly before any actual penetration is going to help, but thinking there should be an intermission for ice-creams in the middle of the performance is probably taking it too far too.
You will get to know each other and when to pull out the stops and complete the mission over time, in the meantime I reckon 15 – 30 mins is about regular from kit off to clean-up…
Making her cum
How many women come during sex? Not that many as your willy is poking the wrong bit. Just inside the vagina is where the ‘sweet spot’ is so wider is actually better than longer when it comes to your sex tool.
No-one needs to worry about their ‘size’ because the reality is that most penises are hitting the wrong spot.
The clitoris is where the soft gentle teasing should be, very wet fingers, soft and gentle, up and down just on the inner lips but not really inserting, and then gentle slow circular motion just below the clitoris hood.
Combine and increase pressure/speed to match her breathing, if she grabs your hand and starts pressing harder and or going faster – you are most definitely on it.
Make her come, then the rest is gravy (definitely no pun intended there) and the pressure is off when it comes to the sex itself.